I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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