so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
