You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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