hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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