Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
