just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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