it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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