I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What a dumb baby whore.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to make out with him forever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
