at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
