WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
