Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
