im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
