i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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