Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
