dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
