Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
