Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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