Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
