hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
where does the pee come out of this thing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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