seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
