it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I AM VODKA MAN
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
