omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
