Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
