Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
