would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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