Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
