the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
