Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
