He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Who put my cat in the fridge?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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