I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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