I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
