You smell like stripper and shame
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
