Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
