Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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