She said her name was "party"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
