i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
