i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
