I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
