the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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