Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
