so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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