we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
