so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
