ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
