Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
