this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
