Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
