Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize