Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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