i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
